Every marriage has differences, arguing, and fighting, but these situations do not have to be a source of constant turmoil in your marriage. If you are tired of fighting all the time and rarely being able to accomplish anything constructive during your arguments, you may want to find out what you are doing wrong. If you and your spouse are not arguing properly, the time you spend arguing might be worthless and even destructive to your relationship. If you can incorporate good rules for fighting, you might be able to get along better and have a better relationship. Here are three good rules to consider using from now on.

Start With The Right Dialogue

One thing that triggers a bad fight is the language used when the fight begins. If you have something on your mind that you want to discuss with your spouse, it is important to bring the issue to him or her, but it is also important to bring it the right way. Having the right dialogue and tone from the beginning of the conversation can help you constructively and effectively talk about the situation and resolve it.

The right way to start a conversation like this would be to use love. Tell your spouse that you love him or her and that there is something you would like to discuss. Physical touch is another important part of starting any type of tough conversation. If you touch your spouse when initiating the conversation, it might also help set the right tone.

The way you begin the conversation will usually affect the outcome of the conversation, so you and your spouse may want to agree to initiate a rule that requires you both to start conversations with loving tones and physical touch.

Stick To The Point

The second major rule you may want to develop between you and your spouse involves sticking to the subject at hand. Too many fights get carried away and out of hand when one or both spouses begin talking about things that are not related to the issue. When spouses begin bringing things in that are not related, the true problem gets pushed aside and left unresolved.

One of the best ways to stick to this rule is to talk about only one issue at a time. When one spouse has a problem, let him or her bring that issue to the other spouse. The other spouse should carefully listen to the issue and respond accordingly. As this is done, there are several other rules you may want to institute in your marriage, including the following:

• Allow equal time to talk – After one of you explains the problem, give the other one equal amount of time to respond.
• Do not bring up the past – Make sure you keep your issues current and relevant by avoiding bringing up past issues that do not pertain to the situation.
• Have the other spouse repeat the issue – One good habit to get in is to have the listening spouse repeat what the other spouse said. This is a great way to develop good listening skills, and it also ensures that the other spouse understands what is being said.

You can develop other guidelines as well, and this may help you learn to listen to each other more effectively.

Agree To Compromise

Finally, you should use each disagreement or argument to come up with a tangible solution. If you rarely come up with solutions during your arguments, there is a good chance you will continue arguing about the same issues every day, week, or month. You must be able to discuss solutions for each problem you have, and this may take compromising.

When you agree on a solution, write it down. Write down the problem and the agreed-upon answer, and you can refer to this if you ever encounter an argument over the same issue.

There are numerous rules you can incorporate into your marriage to help you argue more constructively, and you can learn more about these through marriage counseling. If you would like more information about how marriage counseling can help your relationship, contact a marriage counseling center today.